faithful….

After two weeks of caring for my grandmother I feel as though it is probably time to write something. Guess I’ve just felt that I haven’t had much to say. I’ve read many books, watched a thousand too many Texas Ranger and home makeover shows, and greatly appreciated the time I’ve had with my grandparents.  It has felt so good to take care of someone, especially when I know how much sweat, love, and work this beautiful woman has poured out  for others year after year.  I listen to my grandfather’s prayers at every meal, and I love how his heart overflows with thankfulness to his God and Savior. I can only wonder what it feels like to live a life time, lose abilities you once had, see your kids and grandkids full grown, and stand faithful and thankful to God for all that He has given. It must be incredible. I wish our culture valued the elderly; most have been so faithful.

And as I head back to San Antonio this week that is what I will be taking with me. Faithfulness.  Not that I feel as though I’ve been unfaithful, I just haven’t thought of faithfulness as a way of life or purpose. Life seems to have been so unsteady, and we’ve rolled with the punches as they’ve come, but it’s still easy to wish there was a normalcy or stability to rely upon.  There just hasn’t been anything to get used to, or any rhythm to follow. Instead it’s been learning how to stumble to a different beat of a different song every other week. And it’s been tiring.

So, as I return, I’m taking my sights of life and its craziness, and instead of wishing life were faithful I’m going to choose to be  faithful. I’ll show up in every circumstance that comes. I’ll be fully present –  faithful to my God and to those around me.  I keep expecting that steady or normal life to come, when really, I need to be that steadiness and  normalcy.  I need that faithfulness to be found within me and not in my circumstances. Why did I ever expect life to be faithful to my expectations anyways?  Some high and lofty thought I got stuck in my heart I guess. But it’s really quite the opposite – I must be faithful in whatever comes my way.

And while it might seem difficult and like I’m losing all control, it really is very freeing.  I’m no longer dependent upon life to meet my expectations. I’m not dependent on life to be steady, stable, or normal. Instead, my only thought is to be faithful wherever i am found and to whatever comes into my path.

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